Friday, June 03, 2005

A short hiatus

I will be taking a short hiatus, for several reasons. Just to rethink and refresh my jaded self.
For one, this blog was started as an online diary of some sort. Appealed to me for the anonymity the net offered. But I suppose along the way, I made too many friends online, and while I gained in special friendships, I lost some in the anonymity I so need. Thus, some thoughts and emotions that are meant for me, and me alone, not longer belongs. Thoughts that are probably too personal for people who actually know me (kinda makes you wonder, huh, if this is related to YOU? Heh heh).
Secondly, a recent comment(s) hit me at a personal level I didn't expect. It was like, this was meant as a platform for sharing my troubles, but I felt that that was violated in that certain readers didn't respect it for what it was. While I'm a real greenhorn in medicine in Malaysia, having only done 2 1/2 of medical school here and 3 months of electives, I'm not a freakin' fresh graduate. I've been in North America studying medicine and undergoing postgrad training since 1998. And while I may be naive and have biased views about the way medicine is practised there, the reader did not consider the sacrifices one had to make. I'm thinking that the reader did not lose family members while abroad, or having to miss the funeral because he was simply too far away. Or to say goodbye to a certain woman who meant the world to him, because he was simply naive enough to think that training abroad would bring some of the much needed expertise to our country (then again, why on eath would Malaysia need an islet cell transplant program? Our medical system is self-sufficient to treat all type 1 diabetics, right? We don't need to grow, right?). Or with every departure, one worries if he'll see his parents again, or elderly family members. Or about the weddings of best friends he'll be missing. Or the nephew he'll never see grow up. The many goodbyes one has to say, because no matter how long is each trip back, no matter how special the people he meets are, one knows he again has to say goodbye.
I haven't been in his shoes, but I'm willing to bet a million bucks he hasn't walked a bloody half-step in mine.
I expect to be back someday. But for now, I need to rethink. Thanks for the patience.


Anonymous mayan said...

hey.. what's this about a hiatus.. don't take too long a break ok.. fair enough u've been offended by what 'anonymous' had to say.. but remember there are many more people (including myself) who really enjoy reading your blog.. u know we all really love u to bits (again, me included of course) & hold nothing against u! and this is to 'anonymous'.. i must say.. eventhough what u said wasn't directed at me, i have to tell u that i too feel offended by what u have to say.. i'm a practising surgical trainee in the uk & share many of vagus' views towards how medicine in general is practised in malaysia. i've known vagus for years & he's full of good intentions.. so u offend him, u offend me. & the fact that u have such strong feelings about things but yet don't have to guts to put a name to the comment disgusts me. what a coward.

4:59 PM  
Anonymous Cathie said...

Hi TK, you're obviously upset... I just wanna say you're above all this and certainly the world is a diverse place with people of different nature & upbringing and therefore different opinions... many of them will present their views in respectable ways to others, whereas some will certainly exhibit more hostile overtones... perhaps the latter really haven't reached a balance within themselves yet in overstepping basic respect for others... in any case these people are forgettable... don't let them trouble you...

I agree with you on this issue entirely... I have been a visitor many times and I keep asking LP why Malaysia, as a country just like any other with limited resources, does not first attend to some of the basic medical needs (e.g. EMT; paramedics services), basic living conditions (e.g. squatter areas) and rather chooses to build the tallest this or that, the longest this or that, the biggest this or that... to build more malls, rebuild them, renovate them, re-renovate them... sources of revenue is but one reason... I do personally feel, however, that it is unacceptable to devote first such limited resources to these things than to basic health services & needs... there's nothing more precious than life itself...

The 20/20 vision has inspired much hope in Malaysians and it certainly shows... but like you said... even just from a visitor's perspective I feel there's something lacking, that perhaps we need to overcome simply elevating a nation's egos... surely, pride in a coutry and self-identity rests in so much more than explicit & blatant exibits of power...

For the time I've been here, I've enjoyed reading your thoughts on life, TK... it reveals many things about you that's very dear... never doubt yourself, you've become a man others look to... I wish you the best... :)

7:22 PM  
Blogger sian said...

Like you said, things happen for a reason. I spent 15 years searching that during my Paediatric training in UK, another year in West Africa... eventually I found it back in my homeland- Borneo. Yes, practising medicine in Malaysia can be frustrating and things can be illogical. But again, isn't that happen everywhere? One year on, I still think coming home is the best decision I have ever made in my life.

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