I will be taking a short hiatus, for several reasons. Just to rethink and refresh my jaded self.
For one, this blog was started as an online diary of some sort. Appealed to me for the anonymity the net offered. But I suppose along the way, I made too many friends online, and while I gained in special friendships, I lost some in the anonymity I so need. Thus, some thoughts and emotions that are meant for me, and me alone, not longer belongs. Thoughts that are probably too personal for people who actually know me (kinda makes you wonder, huh, if this is related to YOU? Heh heh).
Secondly, a recent comment(s) hit me at a personal level I didn't expect. It was like, this was meant as a platform for sharing my troubles, but I felt that that was violated in that certain readers didn't respect it for what it was. While I'm a real greenhorn in medicine in Malaysia, having only done 2 1/2 of medical school here and 3 months of electives, I'm not a freakin' fresh graduate. I've been in North America studying medicine and undergoing postgrad training since 1998. And while I may be naive and have biased views about the way medicine is practised there, the reader did not consider the sacrifices one had to make. I'm thinking that the reader did not lose family members while abroad, or having to miss the funeral because he was simply too far away. Or to say goodbye to a certain woman who meant the world to him, because he was simply naive enough to think that training abroad would bring some of the much needed expertise to our country (then again, why on eath would Malaysia need an islet cell transplant program? Our medical system is self-sufficient to treat all type 1 diabetics, right? We don't need to grow, right?). Or with every departure, one worries if he'll see his parents again, or elderly family members. Or about the weddings of best friends he'll be missing. Or the nephew he'll never see grow up. The many goodbyes one has to say, because no matter how long is each trip back, no matter how special the people he meets are, one knows he again has to say goodbye.
I haven't been in his shoes, but I'm willing to bet a million bucks he hasn't walked a bloody half-step in mine.
I expect to be back someday. But for now, I need to rethink. Thanks for the patience.