My First Time
Everyone remembers their firsts. First hand-holding. First car accident. First girlfriend. First kiss. Popping the proverbial cherry.
My first rectal exam.
Back in the International Moneymaking University days, all we had we plastic, rubber models of body parts. And so, we used a plastic butt. Seriously. Scary looking bastard. It was a pale-colored butt, not unlike that patient who spent 3 months in the darkness of the arctic winter and never saw any sun. Pak-cham kai ('white chopped chicken'). The plastic butt was on its side, with its legs chopped off. It was also hard. And so, regardless of how much KY-jelly or whatever else industrial-strength lubricant you used, the damn asshole (literally, pun intended) would be a tight as Anna Nicole Smith in a 32A top. And all puckered up. You'd have to push pretty darn hard to get your index finger in. And you had to do the 180 degree twist to feel the damn prostate (and yes, it HAD to be the index finger. We were warned never to use the middle finger for rectal and vaginal exams. Never). If you were lucky, your finger would be black and blue after pulling it out. If you were unlucky, you'd spend the night with your finger stuck up a plastic ass. There were ghost stories of medstudents who died of starvation being stuck to it. They say their spirits still roam that old PJ State campus, with their right index fingers pointing up. Waiting in vain, for help that never came.
"Yes, higher up. Ugh. Hmm. That's it. Feel that? That's the prostate." Almost nonchalantly.