Tuesday, September 19, 2006

And it begins...

Like having bicycle parts stuck in your tooth.
That's how it feels, for those who have been asking me/wondering. To think that I'll need to have this in for up to 2 years. And to think that I only have the brackets on today (braces proper to go on next week).
For some reason, I'm imagining that that's how the bicycle brake mechanism would feel if someone inadvertently shoved it into my mouth for oogling his girlfriend at the park. You know, that part where the brake cable meets the part that holds the brakepads.
I had a lunch of rice and beef today. I had to swallow the meat pieces whole. I made sure my lunch companion was well-versed with the Heimlich maneuver before I started, just in case I started choking. Or, at the very least, he had the tools he needed to perform an emergency tracheostomy. After I was done eating, I could feel huge chunks of meat and leaves stuck in my tooth. Kinda reminds me of the joke friends told me last week, about being able to make a meal of the stuff stuck in the braces if one ever got hungry. Not pleasant, believe you me. Peritonitis with a perforated gallbladder would probably be a more appealing sight.
"Oh lookie here. So that's where I left my cheeseburger from last week!"
I guess this would be the start of my gruel-and-porridge diet. For those who know me as a carnivore, you'll know that I'd prefer to have my right (and left, come to think of it) testicle nailed to the wall with a blunt rusty nail than to become a vegetarian. This is gonna be a loooong couple of years.
Stay tuned. This blog will be renamed to Please Kill Me And End My Suffering; Why Did I Do This In The Name Of Vanity, KNNC-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-CB?