Friday, November 18, 2005

Bad Days

Was talking to a friend who had a bad day. We all have that. The ones we think about and perhaps even blame ourselves on a bad (read: PMS) day. Like every job, we all have bad days, except unfortunately ours as doctors usually involve patients dying.
Mine?
Well, I have recurring memories (and nightmares) of that sick patient dying from a tension pneumothorax. Despite the surgeon's attempts with the chest tube.
Or that young guy with the pancreatic cancer whose family refused to believe there was no hope.
Or how it felt to have those ribs cracking under my hands when I did CPR on that dialysis patient.
Or that man who clotted off his mechanical mitral valve and went into cardiac arrest.
Or that GI bleeder who was just gushing out blood from the rectum as fast as we were forcing the transfusion in. I stained my scrubs with her blood that night, as she was dripping onto the floor at one point.
Or that ICU monitor alarm that sounds like a horn, that goes off at that moment when the patient decides to die. Did some consults in the CCU this week; that sound still gives me the shivers.
On days like that, you just wanna come home and curl up in bed and not talk to anyone. And just drink yourself to sleep.
Because life (and death), has to go on.

5 Comments:

Blogger sbanboy said...

Hey bro .... I know there will be days like that. I had gone through days like that .... when I feel so helpless. Hope that your spirit will be uplifted after a good day of rest. Take care ...

10:34 PM  
Anonymous coolcat said...

Hang in there, man..

11:03 PM  
Blogger eLAnee said...

I have my share of those too...
Really dampened your spirit.

Don't stop & cry. Just keep moving on & save more lives.

:-)

11:02 AM  
Blogger Gina said...

Well, unavoidable occupational hazard eh? Probably, you should start counting those people whom you had helped, patient who thought he is beyond help, but made it. Or an organ donor to a stranger? Or your friendly gesture to some dear sweet old ladies waiting in line? Or despite losing one of their family members, the deceased's family came to thank you for the wonderful things you had done,knowing you had tried your best. Blessings sometimes, come in small doses. Just be glad. You will do alright.

8:20 AM  
Blogger vagus said...

Thanks for the messages.
Actually i'm ok. Was just reflecting on my conversation with that friend, as well as my past nightmares which i still get sometimes.
have a happy thanksgiving, all.

8:39 AM  

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