Burnout

Probably much to share on a public site, but here's the truth: I'm feeling burnt out.

Yes, one might be anonymous online, but over the years many of my readers have gotten to know me personally, so that's always a risk you take with blogging. But that being said, a blogger starts to feel a certain connection to his readers. Hence, I feel comfortable sharing that statement. "I'm feeling burnt out".

• Perhaps it's the feel that I work harder than what I feel the rewards are worth
• In large part, it's also the feeling that I'm not helping patients. The longtimers who come in with a sheepish smile, no glucose logs, and a persistent hemoglobin A1c of 14 while they're just 2 steps away from dialysis. Seriously, why the hell are you even coming to see your doctor, if you won't take the time to help yourself?? True, you might make me richer, but it certainly makes me feel no better not being able to help you.
• And then, it's the loads of people who come to me expecting that I'll be able to help them lose weight, or feel better, less depressed, more horny, have a longer, more erect penis, have more/less hair, sleep better. Just because they "just know it must be related to the hormones". Believe you me, I take very little pleasure in billing a consult for something that I cannot treat. I hate ordering tests that patients ask for that I consider unnecessary, even if it makes me more money. In fact, a large part of me feels that I shouldn't even be seeing these people. But the powers-that-be dictate that we shouldn't be turning away potential revenue.
• Maybe it's from some recent events, people I know or care about who met their demise in an untimely manner. Maybe it's gotten me thinking that life is short, and if work feels like work, maybe I should be doing something else.
• Or maybe it's just from exhaustion and sleep deprivation of chasing around 2 kids.

The truth is, of late I've taken very little pleasure out of work. My only joys seem to be when I come home and see my wife and 2 kids. When I prescribe eskimo kisses, or give out hugs, or get treated with smiles and embraces.

I think we're reaching a crossroads of sorts in the next 12 months, and some career decisions might need to be make.