Sifu V's Forecast

I consulted my trusty Crystal Ball to see what might be in store for us in 2006. My predictions for the year?

• Our national car carrier attempts to break into the washing machine industry. Fierce competition with Hitachi causes it to go bankrupt
• A controversial ex-President appears in a leading American publication
• Malaysia's first submarine runs aground off the coast of Port Dickson; the crew is saved by illegal Indonesian immigrants who are then granted citizenship for their heroic efforts
• In an unexpected twist, the police reveal that the controversial video clip was in fact a scene from the HQ gymnasium of one of the prospective athletes for the coming olympics; the policewoman featured was in fact the gym coach
• Malaysia gains worldwide recognition for draping the world's biggest batik on the Statue of Liberty; a mere RM1.2 million will be spent. This historic event will be marred by the death of one of the expedition members after falling off Lady Liberty's nose
• Our country launches a chemical attack on Australia in retaliation for comments that Proton was 'a pile of junk'. Our chemical weapons consisting of durian warheads wreck havoc on the continent, but strangely enough, immigrant Malaysians are unaffected