Tuesday, December 20, 2005

Anatomy of a Torture

This is really pissing the crap outta me.
Am now getting at least 10 spam emails in my primary mailbox. How they got me, I don't know. Maybe I shouldn't have registered at those animal porn sites. Oops. Did I just say that out loud?
Viagra. Cheap watches. F*ck friends.
Bargain university degrees.

That got me thinking about what I would do to those ^&^%$# shitheads if I ever got my hands on one. Whoever buys stuff from those sites anyway? Bloody idiots can't even speakie Englezh.
  • Perhaps shove an electrode up their asses and flip on the switch? Then again some might enjoy it. After all that's how they make bulls ejaculate (No, Ms Param, I didn't forget my A-levels biology).
  • Inject extra-strength minyak angin into their jewel sacks? And use a 15-gauge needle, no less.
  • Stick an extra-large urinary catheter up their urethras, AFTER I've coated it in salt.
  • Tape their eyelids open, tie them to a chair, and make them watch reruns of Friends all day. Dubbed in Tamil and played at 2x regular speed.
  • Have them listen to Nanny Fran sing Macarena 24 hours/day.
  • I'd probably enjoy slowly shoving their fake Viagra pills up pee-tubes. One by one.


Anonymous Intern said...

Hey! great blog.. I just stumbled upon it and read some of your archived stuff from when you were an IM resident. I'm an IM intern in a hospital in Mpls. I could totally relate to what you wrote back then about your fear of running codes.. I have to run then next year and I'm already getting tachy thinking about it! Your stories were great too. Keep on writing!

10:05 PM  
Blogger vagus said...

Thanks for coming by. Dropped by your blog. Guess we share a lot in common.
Hang in there. Internship works you like a dog, but things will get better.
I think Sam Shem's rule in the House of God applies for codes:
At a code, the first thing you should do is to check your pulse.
Happy Holidays. Hope you won't be oncall.

10:17 PM  
Anonymous cathie said...

holy! such... ANGER my friend, such anger! lol... spams are bad, but lately what's been worse for me is that some people are retarded enough to email me chainletters again! For frig's sakes can you believe that? "if you don't send this to blah & blah you'll have bad luck for the rest of your life (or some other bloody sh*t)"... yeah I wanted to shove a log up every one of their asses too... but y'know... in the end... the anger and annoyance were but momentary... calm down dude! It's okay! You're gonna live! ;)

1:38 AM  
Blogger Dentist Down Under said...

I thought dentists're evil, you're even worse than us. *shudder* I really look up to you now. LOL

2:49 AM  
Blogger Watch 'n Wait said...

Lovely ideas! You need assistance, just let me know.

10:17 PM  

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