Anatomy of a Torture
This is really pissing the crap outta me.
Am now getting at least 10 spam emails in my primary mailbox. How they got me, I don't know. Maybe I shouldn't have registered at those animal porn sites. Oops. Did I just say that out loud?
Viagra. Cheap watches. F*ck friends.
Bargain university degrees.
That got me thinking about what I would do to those ^&^%$# shitheads if I ever got my hands on one. Whoever buys stuff from those sites anyway? Bloody idiots can't even speakie Englezh.
- Perhaps shove an electrode up their asses and flip on the switch? Then again some might enjoy it. After all that's how they make bulls ejaculate (No, Ms Param, I didn't forget my A-levels biology).
- Inject extra-strength minyak angin into their jewel sacks? And use a 15-gauge needle, no less.
- Stick an extra-large urinary catheter up their urethras, AFTER I've coated it in salt.
- Tape their eyelids open, tie them to a chair, and make them watch reruns of Friends all day. Dubbed in Tamil and played at 2x regular speed.
- Have them listen to Nanny Fran sing Macarena 24 hours/day.
- I'd probably enjoy slowly shoving their fake Viagra pills up pee-tubes. One by one.