Men Rules for Women
Got this from a nurse friend. Thought it was hilarious. Perhaps some truth in it too.
Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.
Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never going to think of it that way.
Crying is blackmail.
Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one: Subtle hints do not work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work! Just f*cking say it!
Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.
If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't expect us to act like soap opera guys. (my favourite!)
If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us.
If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.
ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.
If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.
If we ask what is wrong and you say nothing," we will act like nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.
If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you don't want to hear.
You have enough clothes.
You have too many shoes.
I am in shape. Round is a shape.