10 signs you're getting old
- Between sex and sleep, you pick sleep
- Your food groups are Fiber, Low-Cholesterol and Low-Salt
- You no longer laugh at your friends taking Viagra
- All your sentences begin with "When I was your age..."
- You grew up on Atari & Betamax, while Ipods scare you
- You feel like a pedophile for oogling at that 21-year old supermodel
- You spend 15 minutes stretching for a 10 minute workout
- You start worrying about karma and the afterlife
- Peeing takes you 3 minutes
- The local boyscouts use your eyeglasses to start campfires
- You have more hair at the buttcrack than at your scalp
- You can't count anymore
I admit, I'm scared shitless.
In a way, it's surreal. In a bad way, that is. Almost like that feeling of disbelief that you're in the police lock-up for mooning your hairy ass at the President.
Yes, I turn 3-0 in less than 20 days.
Shit. Thirty years old.
In the larger scheme of things, 30 isn't old. And I'm doing pretty well health-wise and profesionally for someone my age. But farkdammit (phrase stolen from Piffles), I can no longer say I'm "in my twenties." At one time in my life, it seemed like all the babes (Ms. Malaysia, actresses, models etc) were older than me, in their mid 20's. Suddenly, they're all much younger, and you almost feel like a dirty old man drooling at the likes Amber Chia (I swear I have no Michael Jackson tendencies).
I'm no longer a 'young man'. Far from my sexual peak (they say everything goes downhill after 18). Can no longer pass off as a student for discounts on stuff.
Doesn't help when your dad and late grand-dad had as much hair as Yoda. I used to tease him about using wax & polish for his head instead of hair gel (sorry, dad!). I suspect I'm headed down that path too.
Wearing an earring when you're 20 is cool. Wearing on when you're older makes you look like you're going through your midlife crisis. Especially when your plates proudly proclaim Sugarboy.
And now, they no longer check my ID for age when I buy booze. Had dinner with Kris at this Italian restaurant a few weeks ago. The idiot waiter asked her for her ID, and casually ignored me. I gave him such a look that if looks could kill he'd be 6 feet underground and rotting in 10 seconds. I glared at him so intensely that he did ask to see mine at the end. That's my Superman laservision for you.
I suppose there are perks to being older too. I can walk into a car dealership and say I wanted to testdrive their S2000, and people wouldn't look at me like I couldn't afford it. I could chat with older people like they're my friends. I have more credibility with my patients; for the longest time they saw me as a medical student because they thought I was 21. Your woman feels safe with you (falsely so). And, seeing how many Malaysian men in their 30's have beer bellies and are out of shape, all you need is to have minimal amounts of muscle and you'd stand out amongst the crowd.
(Yea, cheap thrill. This self consolation isn't working).