The Versatile Pager

The Totolola Advisor Gold™ Word Message Pager (name ahbeng-ified to prevent lawsuit). So versatile. Really. Their functions include:

• Alarm clock
• Patient-related messages
• Emergencies ("Code Blue...")
• Personal messages ("You left your fly open" or "Hot nurse at 6 o'clock")
• Means of Escape. If you get a really long-winded patient: "... and then I told my son that he shouldn't date that skank, but he did anyway, and so they...." you can just pretend you got paged (on silent mode) and just excuse yourself from the room (have done this more than a few times)
• Showing off (ooh, you must be a doctor...)
• Vent frustrations. Can't believe how therapeutic it is to accidentally drop your pager down the stairs. But, they must have anticipated these things... the damn pagers are indestructible. My friend in medschool once claimed she dropped her pager into the toilet by accident. Most of us didn't buy that
• Vibrator (in silent mode) (for massage-lah! What were you thinking???)
• Paper Weight (with built-in holster clip too!)

I remember when I first picked my pager up years ago. Wow, lookie here, I'm a real doctor now. 30 minutes and 20 pages later, I was ready to run it over with my car.