My life as a Malaysian doctor in the United States.
Wednesday, April 14, 2010
I'll admit it, blogging seems to have lost some of the appeal. A lot of it probably has something to do with how I'm out of residency/fellowship in an extremely hectic academic center, and so things are more 'boring'. After all I no longer run codes, or put in central lines. Admit it; my entries in the last couple of years is so much more ho-hum and yawn. You can say it.
A part of it too though, is how I do feel that after 8 years, I've lost a big part of the anonymity. Probably my own asking, knowing how much of an egomaniac I am, but many of you out there probably know me personally, or know where I work, maybe even where I live. And therein lies the problem. There are some things you think and wish you could vent out, kinda like that 5-day old impacted stool that is just waiting to explode into the porcelein bowl. But sometimes you know it's just going to backfire, like how that explosive diarrhea ends up spraying your bottom with tiny brown droplets.
Take today at work, for example. There are so many things I wish I could say, hiding behind the cowardice and anonymity of the worldwide web. I wish I could say I hate my job, except I don't, well, not most of it anyway. I wish I could say I felt that I was making a big difference in my patients' lives, but on some days, I really don't. Without going into detail, it does sometimes feel like you're seeing a patient for the sake of seeing a patient, not because your training, knowledge and skill offers some measure of assistance to the person across the room looking for help. But no, don't ask. We all know how saying too much comes back to bite you in the ass. Admittedly, I have been tempted to start a splinter blog. Kinda like Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde. A more public, happy blog, and a darker, more sinister b*tching blog. Just to get things out of my system.
Except with email, facebook and a blog, I'm not keen on getting started on something else.
Oh well. In the meantime, I'll vent to my wife, and drink some happy juice.Cheers!