Sometimes It's OK that a Patient Made You Cry

Sometimes it's OK that a patient makes you cry.

No, it wasn't a case of emotional abuse. That happens plenty in our field, when physicians get yelled at for deserved or undeserved reasons. No, it was something else. 

I saw an 80 year old man for follow up this week. Someone I had seen for years for his thyroid condition. I asked how he was doing, and if there was anything new going on. His response? "No, not with my health". Though you could sense he was hinting at some other happenings. 

So I asked him what else was going on. He teared up. His wife's dementia has been progressive. And just 2 days ago, he had to move her to a nursing home 8 miles away from their home, as it was no longer safe for her to stay at home. She recognizes him, but no longer recognizes their children.

It always hits me, when another man trusts me and feels comfortable enough, to cry in front of his doctor. Unnerving, a bit, but a privilege, to have someone share these deeply personal issues in their lives.

But then, between the tears, he perks up and smiles. 

"But when she heard I was coming to see you today, she said, Make sure you ask Dr. Vagus to show you his socks!".

Apparently, some things have become my trademarks. Things patients (and staff) associate with me. Bowties (something I started wearing 12 years ago, and never went back). My love for Cheetos (I get these on my birthdays; and some patients cheekily bring me a bag when they come for their DIABETES DOCTOR visits!). And my socks. Something that started maybe 8 years ago, when my wife and kids thought my black Goldtoe socks were too boring. So, I get colorful socks from them occasionally. Fathers' Day. Birthday. Christmas. Random gifts. I have one with celestial constellation designs. Superman. Avengers. Astronauts floating in space carrying a mug of beer (fun design, but the nerd in me has to kill the fun by thinking that it's physically impossible. The beer would boil in the vacuum of space. Even if it didn't, it would ball up, not stay in a mug). Perhaps my current favorite- an unmatched pair with eggs on one sock, and bacon on the other.

Anyways, you get the gist. I have some patients who make me show them my socks when they come for their quarterly visits. Or give me points for whatever I might have on that day.

And, in this case, the 81 year old wife of my patient, who despite her severe dementia, who remembers that her husband's doctor wears fun socks.

I teared up when he told me that story. It was sad. It was heartwarming. It was funny.

Before he left, I gave him a great big hug. And took a picture of my socks to show his wife.