Monday, December 22, 2014

Signs You're Getting Old

This crossed my mind when I looked in the mirror this morning. And no, I'm not 'fessing to any of these.
  • You are finding grey hairs. Grey nose hairs
  • You look in the mirror when you first get up, and for a fleeting moment you see your dad
  • You refer to those twenty year olds as "those kids"
  • Your favorite cars on your Cars.com iPhone app are minivans and electric vehicles
  • The damn drug companies start sending you laxative samples (I still have a dozen boxes if anyone wants any!)
  • You see a hot 20+ year old nurse, and the first thing that comes to mind is "Hmm, I wonder how her mother looks like?"
  • You think getting up to pee 1-2 times at night is normal
  • You're afraid of getting a new computer eventhough your current is on the brink of death, because you're secretly afraid of Windows 8
  • Your optometrist is giving you 2 years before you'll need bifocals (that sonofabitch)
  • You think bow ties and plaid sport jackets look nice
  • Your eyebrow hairs are starting to curl
  • College student-types call you "Uncle"
  • Your bowel habits are as regular as the cesium atomic clock
  • Between Playboy magazine and Consumer Reports, you'd pick Consumer Reports any day
  • You use 'Jaws' from the original 007 movies to illustrate the phenotypic changes of acromegaly. Only be to met with blank stares and questions of "Who's Jaws?"
Oh well. As a mentor once told me, the only way to avoid getting old is to die young.

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